Monday, 12 December 2016

My Mom..

There should be a music file playing on this post.. sometimes the player slips an ad in at the beginning, my apologies if it does this - I can't figure a way to avoid it!  Hope you can bear with it for a moment till the song starts..

I have been putting off writing this post.. another difficult thing.

My mom passed away on 9th October 2016.. she was 68 years old.

If you've been with my blog for a while you'll know that mom suffered with vascular dementia, and for the past 2 years caring for her has been one of the biggest parts of my life.. helping my dad to keep her at home.  Something we managed to do.. she was in her own home to the end and we were there with her when she passed.

Time has been behaving in such a very strange way..  like I'm walking on a conveyor belt that is whizzing me along faster than I should be going.  I don't want to start pouring stuff out on here.. I just wanted to let you know why things are so quiet..

A few photos..

Mom in the middle :) with little sister Christine
to the right and big brother Tommy..
not sure who the 2 little girls on the left are

Mom and dad in the teens

I remember mom like this when I was a little girl

She LOVED being a nanny :)
This was after Rachael's 5th birthday party

I am taking some time to re-balance and come to terms with everything that's happened.. I've retreated into a cocoon.  There hasn't been much felting going on for a while.. I've been reading a lot, and I've been drawing. Something I haven't really done since I was 16, and though I'm no artist I am enjoying the peace of it..  My art journal is helping me to process things.  Hoping that the new year will see a return to creativity and positivity, and a moving forward.  

I'm not doing too well with Christmas.. so I'm focusing on Winter Solstice.  I always celebrate the solstices, and especially love Winter Solstice.. I feel it's approach in my bones, maybe because I was born in the dark days just before it..

I found this beautiful poem last week, which so sums up how I am feeling at the moment..

Winter’s Cloak 
This year I do not want
the dark to leave me.
I need its wrap
of silent stillness,
its cloak
of long lasting embrace.
Too much light
has pulled me away
from the chamber
of gestation.
Let the dawns
come late,
let the sunsets
arrive early,
let the evenings
extend themselves
while I lean into
the abyss of my being.
Let me lie in the cave
of my soul,
for too much light
blinds me,
steals the source
of revelation.
Let me seek solace
in the empty places
of winter’s passage,
those vast dark nights
that never fail to shelter me.
by Joyce Rupp from The Circle of Life
copied from 

Playing Annie's Song by John Denver - this was one of moms (and my) favourites.. lots of happy mom memories associated with it.